I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
