Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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