To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
