Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
