I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
