I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
