i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My pussy is not your playground.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
