So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
