There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
