Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
