we made out on top of his cat.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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