can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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