Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
