I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
