It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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