It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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