I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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