I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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