I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
