No awkward lesbian experiences without me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My feet surprised me
Randomize
