Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
