I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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