Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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