How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
