return my video game
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
