xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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