I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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