RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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