Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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