so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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