There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
