i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
