You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
