I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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