Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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