When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
