someone threw a dead crab at me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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