i don't like sucking hair
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
