so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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