this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
