There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
