No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
