I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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