Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
