Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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