Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize