hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
