I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
