Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
