3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this boner is exhausting
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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