Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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