i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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