I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
