You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
