it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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