atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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