Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I touched a dick in church today
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