she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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