I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
