either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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