i was born a porn star she said
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
