Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
