My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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