K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
