Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
