if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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