considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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