One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
