it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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